You have experienced a significant loss.
A loss so big it’s hard to comprehend how you could ever move past the hurt, pain, and suffering. The darkness in your heart permeates every moment of your day with a wrenching pain that is experienced on both physical and emotional levels. You can’t help but believe there is no way out.
Losing something important in your life brings up feelings of hopelessness that life will never be the same again, shock that results in confusion about your future and the overwhelming inability to accept reality. This drastic change has triggered the realization that some major adjustments need to happen in your life, whether you want them to or not.
The reality is that change, loss, and hardships are difficult to go through and can leave you feeling alone and confused – completely unsure where, what, or why this has happened. The abandonment haunts you. Your days feel like someone has put metaphorical boards up on all the windows and doors of a home and just walked away. You can hear the emptiness. Your life is marked by immense quiet, and an eerie silence, giving you an unsettling feeling as if cold air is passing through your body magnifying your tension and fears.
The thought of losing your breasts brings up many emotions that are both positive and negative. You have many images, feelings, and emotions that are always in the back of your mind where you are feeling very lost and unsure of what to expect. All the unanswered questions that keep replaying in your mind are almost making you dizzy. When you look in the mirror and touch yourself it mentally feels heartbreaking and distress starts to pour into you. The emotions that you’re already experiencing just thinking of yourself losing your breasts is devastating. As a women you are worried that your spirit will never be the same because apart of your identity as a woman will be missing and you’re having a hard time comprehending it all.
Memories flash into your head of the painful images your family members experienced with the loss of their breasts or of them trying to fight the terrible disease. Will you still feel like you have breasts even after reconstruction or will they feel as though there is a foreign object in your body? As a woman, our breasts are so very important because they allow us to connect to our femininity, where we feel so incredibly sexy, and also nurture our babies. To think that they will be removed in the days or months to come terrifies you. What terrifies you even more is that you will could get cancer and you have watched many people in your family and friends suffer the terrible painful disease. You feel as though you are doing the right thing and this is the absolute right decision for you, you’re certain about that.
You’re feeling so defeated, wondering if you are capable of going through this and whether or not you will even feel like a women again. The thought of being naked with someone else brings up insecure feelings of ugliness, unbeautiful, frightful like what if my scar looks hideous, and grotesque. What am I going to look like, will I look disfigured and not to mention the idea of feeling sexy is terrifying.
Is it even possible to be sexy after this experience? You can’t help but realize how your life will never be the same again.